(Can you believe I am so self absorbed as to copy the name of Arthur Jones’ article of about ten years ago? I turn 50 on February, 27, and I am pretending to remember everything from birth. Amazing, huh?)

Trends come and trends go. I remember Jack Lalanne on TV, the old York mags when they were new, and not photocopied and used for rediscovered workout programs. I remember the original shots of Arnold Schwarzenegger in the mags and articles by John McKean, Vern Weaver, Bob Hoffman, and John Grimek. I remember the original Nautilus Machines, Dr. Ken Leistner’s prediction about SuperSlow being the next big thing, and Daniel Duchaine claiming fats would be cool because he said so.

Here are some predictions and visionary, egotistical observations.

Machines, and anything lying on your back (Pilates), will be largely seen as physical therapy. The Smith Machine, Nautilus, and 45 Degree Leg Press machine will be replaced by what was found in Gold’s Gym in the 60’s.

Spices and herbs will be the next wave of nutrients. While there is lots of cool research on these items, their use will sky rocket, and supplement companies will jump on the bandwagon.

Steroids will get more exotic and totally undetectable. Pro Athletes will have to undergo lie detector tests and not have to study for urine tests. Their lawyers will be working overtime.

The study of rain forest/botanical medicine will produce some substances that have little side effects, but promote increased muscle size. It will be 100% legal.

HIT will make a comeback. Life is busier and when people get busy, they will want a workout every fourth day that keeps them in tone. They eventually will return to long term, historically sound routines. The HIT thing is like vacation training. Do enough so you don’t regress.

Long Slow Distance will make a comeback. Not pavement pounding, but rowing, kayaking, walking with a weight vest, biking, swimming, and roller blading. Research will indicate that a certain amount of LSD, (1 or 2 times per week), match nomadic patterns of our ancestors and create positive blood chemistry changes not seen in short term interval type training.

Obstacle Courses will be the new “Bootcamp” training. You will compete against yourself and not have some idiot yelling at you to do pushups as they eat a banana.

Personal training will be largely online, on IPod, and by YouTube. You will get a once a month visit from your trainer.

“Core Training” will be exposed as the fallacy that it is. Overhead stability,…actually holding something overhead will be the acid test of “working your core”. Swiss balls will be seen less and less.

Yoga and Flexibility will lose their impact on modern fitness and WEIGHTED mobility exercises will be the standard for lifelong movement.

Personal Trainers will be part of a Plastic Surgeons office. All those fatties and baby boomers have loose skin and too many wrinkles from the sun. Getting buff and getting cut will go hand and hand,…period.

Men will stop shaving their hair. They don’t look like Bruce Willis. Women will stop getting the directions to the airport tattooed on their ass. It will slowly drop to hamstring level and tattoo removal is uncomfortable.

Omega Six Fats will be viewed like trans fats and be sharply reduced in the American Diet. Hybrid nuts will be produced with more favorable profiles for health.

Bread will be higher in protein, higher in fiber, WAY lower in carbs. and higher in FAT. The same for Pasta, Bagels, and Rice. Otherwise, say goodbye to these items.

Tai Chi will be even bigger since the baby boomers have bad knees and weak backs from years of attempting to turn back the clock with “fitness”.

The new “water” will be wine. While it is popular now, the intake of reasonable amounts of highly pigmented alcoholic beverages will increase and those drinks will be measured for their nutrient content.

On the same note, this carrying a water bottle 24/7 nonsense will end.

Caffeinated Protein drinks will get more popular. Nutrition and stimulation.

There will be a vaccine for both breast and prostate cancer within five years.

The educated consumer will be highly skeptical of any new ‘novel’ items coming from mysterious sources such as the space program or other countries. I predict the sales of Eskimo Sled Fitness DVD’s to be low.

Smart Drugs, primarily variations of piracetam will be over the counter.

Trainers will have to actually perform well. Athletes will want to see their coaches have some measure of longevity and performance to insure that they themselves are doing things to allow long life and health.

Functional Fitness will be exactly that. You will install fence posts for five hours then warm down with Tai Chi and a swim. Humans will actually see the value of hard work, movement and productivity. They will lift heavy rocks, barrels, and sandbags with wheel barrows, fork lifts, and chain motors like humans have done since the dawn of the industrial age. Actually using a lever or incline plane will make sense vs jogging up hills with a lump of stone on your shoulder.

Look for some deaths in these executive boxing and kickboxing classes. Both male and female. Doing padwork, bagwork, and ropework, does not equate with fighting skill unless the trainer is from a fighting background and not merely “Certified”.

The valsava effect will be more closely studied since we have an older population and therefore older exercise participant base. Relaxed breathing, correct breathing, and not having an aneurism will be a standard protocol for trainers, much like knowing CPR.

Publishing on demand, and Ebooks will drive the cost of fitness books down. High quality photos can be seen and printed from IPod’s and Computers and therefore, expensive books will be in the past. Fitness books average price will be 16.95 before the Amazon discount. That means authors will have to have more original content and not just rearranged articles.

While many, many, bodybuilding and powerlifting deaths have been related to steroids and the cause of death is cardiovascular disease,….you will see a HUGE increase in exotic cancers similar to the AIDS outbreak in the 80’s. Younger athletes will die and older athletes will stimulate cancers by long term use and abuse of Growth Hormone.

On the flip side of the coin. Strength records, including track and field, will be falling left and right in the next five years. This will be the result of better and better performance drugs and a better flow of these from the Mid East, Southeast Asia, South America, and the former Soviet Union. We haven’t seen the tip of the iceberg yet.

Heart patients will be trained by once a week with superslow leg press sessions that allow for the bodies adaptation to load with little orthopedic stress. The remainder of their training will be rowing, kayaking or heavy hands types of activities. Less treadmill time until they are recovered.

A bodybuilder will die on the Mr. Olympia or similar platform. This will be in the news and change bodybuilding forever. It will go back to a drug free contest with lifting included in the competition.

Remember, all of these predictions are stuff I made up. It is my birthday after all!